Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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