she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
