Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
