How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
