it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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