Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
