if you like me you must not know who I am
My first STD was from a foam party
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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