Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
