How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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