My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
