I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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