Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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