I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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