lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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