she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
