Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
