apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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