can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
accomplished twins. life is a go
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
