I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
