I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
