Who wears a wallet chain?!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
