I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
