The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
