man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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