Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
