Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
