This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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