Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
