I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize