Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
