i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
