I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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