I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
