im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
