Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
