We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
