Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
