Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
