spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
