; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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