There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
God, I missed his penis.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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