If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
