i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
