Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
