so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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