i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize