I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
