I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
