im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize