Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he thought i was a dude.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
