My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
