Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i dont even know how to be here
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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