he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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