he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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