We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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