I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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