You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
