Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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