I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
