Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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