If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
