i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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