put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
