I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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