false alarm. still invincible.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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