she woke up with a sticky ear
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
