tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
