Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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