If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
